The Jake's Hotel

Jakes may as well be the only place to stay because there is no point at all in staying anywhere else. It's one of those places you read about in Conde Naste Traveller and put on your wish list: it has the air of being "undiscovered" (though the guest list is glittering) and is quirky, beautiful and unpretentious.

Jake's has evolved in the image of its creator Sally Henzell, who Art Directed her husband Perry's film The Harder They Come, over time, with love, and a charming almost innocent playfulness, but at the same time with a knowledgeable eye and attention to detail. It settles easily into the landscape and the surrounding community: nothing jars the natural beauty. This contributes to the ease with which guests settle here, and to the sense of being "at home". You never need to get dressed up, though beautiful things settle happily here (Liberty Ross, Kate Moss, Marianne Faithfull...Robbie).

What You Stay In:

Jakes is made up of a cluster of fairy tale dwellings, fallen as if by magic amongst the soft gardens and rocky coves. I stayed in most of them, though Sally has recently added a new sweep of little Moorish castles by the sea. Each home is different, but all have alluring details, alcoves, a cd player, Blue Mountain coffee and the atmosphere of being your own secret place.

The most romantic castaway cabin, 'Sea Puss One' clings to the rocks like the secret refuge of a beach hermit. Its woodland veranda juts out over breaking waves and is overhung with verdant branches that twinkle with emerald dragonflies. With indigo shutters and faded adirondack deck chairs, it is reminiscent of Maine, only the nights are balmier. If the sound of the sea breaking over rocks gives you nightmares, as it does me, you'd be better off in a garden house.

The outdoor shower is a story in itself: a grotto of rock and shells, screened by bamboo, with an enormous monsoon shower head and a surprising antique mirror. Curiously, I left my soap on a stone and it had mysteriously disappeared by morning. A young Jamaican girl suggested that a naughty Duppy took it in the night, or maybe a hermit crab.

A good room to stay in on your own is Marianne Faithfull's favourite Blue Room. It's a simple little room, conveniently situated behind the bar with a shaded terrace, and decorated with Sally's cigar box montages. It may be important to tell you that this is the room where I was least bitten by mosquitoes.

For romance, consider the new Octopussy bungalows which feature an outdoor tub, and a roof terrace fitted with pillows perfect for intimate breakfast and dinner.

I don't want to tell you this, and I haven't stayed in the new houses, but for comfort and peace, my favourite house is Sea Horses. Sea Horses Up (as it is up a wrought iron spiral staircase - Jamaican language is good like that, let's you know what you're getting) has a gorgeous verandah with outdoor french bed, hammock and view across the garden. The plethora of airy windows are curtained with muted warm tones that wake you up in a sweet glow. There's a good amount of storage space, and it it a well-considered space - little corner table and seating lit by a shell lamp, bedside tables, and a big bath. The bath may sound unnecessary in Jamaica, but it really came into its own after a fantastic boat trip in a storm. Then again, I'm someone who takes a hot water bottle on every trip. and I would take everything you think you might need with you to Jake's, because there ain't a lot of shopping going on down there.

Things You Can Do:

*Take a boat trip out to the Pelican Bar - a driftwood shack out at sea. You are most likely to be accompanied by dolphins - we were - if you go with Ted.
*Another boat trip is down to Black River, the crocodile infested bayou of the south coast. Eerie mangrove swamps, spicy soft shell crabs and a lively market, where you can buy fruit, nutmeg and hot pepper sauce. And Real, Big Crocodiles. My cynical, adrenalin-fuelled companion insisted that the crocodile basking on a wooden jetty was fake and made of plastic, until finally our tour guide suggested he get out and touch it. Instead, he threw his paper cup at it and the beast politely opened its huge smiling jawful of teeth up. I so wished the silly twit had jumped out and poked it instead.
*Have a massage from Shirley. A deep, voodooish adventure. You sit in a dark,curtained box, stirring boiling herbs with a wooden stick, until you sweat some deep serious shit, then are laid out and worked on by the elegant mystic herself.
*Sit and watch the sea from Douggie's bar. He'll stay up as long as you do.
*Challenge Sally to a Scrabble game.
*Drink cucumber juice for breakfast, eat pineapple and papaya, ackkee and saltfish, pancakes and lobster. Or walk down the road for some local take-out jerk chicken in a box.
* Get Jason, Sally's son, and Jamaica's 2003 hotelier of the year, to direct you to Little Ochee for lobster, spiny crab and johnny cakes on the beach.

Need to know more?

A 2-hour car journey from Montego Bay airport (the hotel will set you up for US$115 each way) is enough to keep most boring people away from Treasure Beach. On the rarely-visited south coast of Jamaica, there aren't even the hasslers of Negril with their simple cry of "Oran' Joos, Red Stripe...Aloe Massage" to keep you amused. There's only Stanley selling his carvings, and a couple of tiny craft shops. Hardly any restaurants outside the 2 managed by Jake's. No jet ski-ing, parasailing, windsurfing or pedalo-ing on the beach. There isn't a disco, unless you count the semi-clad gyrations of the dancers down at the scary snooker bar, and you can't go out on a glass-bottomed boat to watch the sunset".
Address:

Jake's

Calabash Bay, Treasure Beach

St Elizabeth, Jamaica